World's Most Powerful Business Method Patent Proposal!

I apologize up front for inserting an extra post in ahead of my long over due thrashing of Intellectual Property theory. However, there's this hot idea that came to me while finishing up “WHY I.P.??” and it just can't wait. In fact, it's probably unwise to have delayed as long as I have – as some like-minded jerk could swoop in and steal all the glory.

Anyway, even yours truly has been bitten by the patent bug now. One can only imagine how the prospects of fame & envy serves to motivate an ill defined ego. So without further ado, here is the patent to end all patents:

Don't worry if the beauty of this doesn't exactly jump out at you (as that should help prove non-obviousness). Also note that acquiring any patents (other than the Power Patent just defined) is not necessary. You just need to find plaintiffs with patent infringement suits; then they in-turn become intrinsic defendants for infringing on your patented business method. A jolly-good bonus for anyone lacking friends is that such a patent would make you adored by thousands of attorneys.

It'd be dandy if someone could better express this concept in patent legalese. And anybody wanting to push my plan into some sort of fruition is welcomed to do so. In the event of actually filing a patent on this, one could even use me as the “Inventor” as this very post records the original idea. I don't even know what part of any profits I'd want to control, except to say that the initial candidate for receiving my share would be Richard Stallman and his Free Software Foundation. The two reasons for this are: 1) it would be apt pay-back for the wonderful contributions rms & FSF have made to the world I love, and 2) the whole concept is just a basic rip-off of copyleft anyway — transforming patent rights to patents left powerless (to thwart innovation as they normally do).

terminating tenacious traditions

Cute. However, it is not unique, as it is already done (businesses do acquire patents and sue infringers and collect profits from the suits). It is obvious in that there is no additional element or step added to what is already done in business routinely (describing what already occurs openly is describing the obvious). It is not useful, as it is only a meta-descriptor of the already existing practice. Since patents are licenses granted by the state to protect UNIQUE, NON-OBVIOUS, and USEFUL inventions, for which this fails utterly on all three counts, it is but a strawman argument against patents. On the other hand, I heartedly agree that it is outrageously FUNNY! A great parody and full of irony. Thanks!

-- Alan